I Hate Smelly People

November 9, 2007
Today in class a smelly kid sat next to me. It was gross. It was like he didn’t realize that people would know that HE was the one who emitted that smell. Not to mention, he wouldn’t stop talking to me about useless things. What does one do in a situation like that? Once you’re already sitting, you can’t just get up and move.. that’s way too obvious and way too rude. So what do you do? I’ve thought about it long and hard and these are the solutions I came up with:
1. In order to prepare yourself for this possible situation, I would suggest wearing a crapload of perfume or cologne. Even though you’ll smell really strong, atleast the people around you can get nauseous off of a good smell other than someone else’s nasty flatulance and body odor.
2. Bring nose plugs with you where ever you go. You may look like an idiot, but atleast you wont have to gag for an hour straight.
3. Carry a travel size Fabreeze with you. This one is a little more obvious, but hey, Fabreeze doesn’t just cover up odors, it eliminates them.
4. Hold your breath until you pass out. This will result in others having to remove you from the presence of the smelly kid out to the fresh air. Be careful in this instance however, as it could very well be the smelly kid who carries you out!
5. Make subtle comments like, “wow it smells in here, do you smell that? That’s gross. Someone should tell that person they smell.” Or you could just straight up use your hands to plug your nose. That will definitely get the point across.
6. When the offender isn’t looking, throw spitwads, shoot rubberbands, ANYTHING, at him. Then maybe he’ll get aggravated and move!
I dunno if any of those ideas are useful or not, but honestly, why don’t people know basic hygiene? Wear deoderant, especially on hot days or if you know you’re going to have to do strenuous exercise. Brush your teeth. Everyone gets smelly breath if they don’t! And for heaven’s sake, take Beano if you have to! Perfume and Cologne work really well too. Man I really hope that I am never the “Smelly Kid.” How embarassing!