You Know You've Reached a New Level of Pathetic When...

1. You want to go to bed every night at 9:30 and you're not married, you don't have kids, and you're still in your twenties.

2. A kid in your ward asks you how long you've lived in Utah and when you answer with "6 years" he goes, "Whooooaaaaaa!" and gasps in astonishment like you're some kind of freak.

3. You go out on your balcony to get something out of your storage unit, but you see two spiders on the door so you decide it wasn't that important and run back inside your apartment as fast as possible.

4. Everywhere you go people stare at you funny because you are slapping yourself because you're starting to believe that spiders are plotting your death because they are spinning webs all along the outside of your apartment door, your back door, the stairwells outside your door AND even INSIDE your car. Thus, every time you get in your car you're distracted because you're scanning everything for spiders as you drive and you always feel like they are on you.

5. You go to bed at 11pm and keep falling asleep at work the next day.

6. You find yourself on a Sunday evening sitting indian style on your couch, with a package of grasshopper cookies on your lap, watching Star Wars: A New Hope, in the dark, all alone.

7. You spend 10 minutes cleaning your bathtub and the next day you can barely stand up straight because your back is so sore... and you're still in your twenties.

8. Walking slowly up the two flights of stairs to your apartment makes you out of breath... even though you do that multiple times a day.

9. You decide not to wear makeup to work one day and a coworker asks if you're feeling okay because your eyes look swollen.

10. You have grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner 5 nights in a row because it's the thing that takes the least amount of effort.