Illusion Never Changed Into Something Real

Life - it's always changing. And every time I think I've got something figured out, I find out that I'm wrong. After 22 years, you'd think I'd learn.

There's been some significant changes in my life recently, and there are a couple of changes just around the corner. I guess first on the list is the fact that I'm adjusting to the single life. It's been a really long time for me and sometimes it seems really surreal. And lonely - that too. But in an attempt to stay positive, I think it will be good for me to live it up for a while. In the past (almost) four years I've spent no more than a month and a half being truly single. What can I say? I'm more of a relationship kind of girl than I am a noncommittal dater. But, now that I have a couple of big life decisions to make in the very near future, I guess it's good that I only have to take myself into consideration. This way I can do what I want to do and go where I want to go, without worrying about making anyone else happy. Not trying to be selfish - just trying to see the positive.

Second, yesterday I taught my first Relief Society lesson for my new calling as a RS instructor. I ended up having to cram it all into 25 minutes, but that was okay. I think it went really well. I was really worried about making sure that I was following the Spirit to help me say the things that the girls in the ward needed to hear. After church, the girls showered me with "thank you's" and compliments. Two even wrote me little notes. One said, "Raechel, your lesson was absolutely wonderful, and everything I needed to hear. Thank you so much - you are great." That really made my day. For the past year I haven't been very social in my ward and, as a result, I don't know very many people that well. It meant a lot to me to have so much positive support - gives me courage to plan my next lesson!

This semester I've made a new friend. It's nice to have another female friend that's not engaged or married (no offense). She's helping me to be more social and I appreciate that a lot. It's hard to be social when you don't have a wingman, let me tell you.

In 31 days I will have completed my undergraduate degree at BYU. I really can't believe it. I'm so used to being in school that the thought of not having school is really bizarre. I'm excited, and terrified, all at the same time. I have no idea what to do with my life once I've graduated. What I need to do is research some places that I'd like to work, fix up my resume and write some cover letters, and send out a bunch of applications - see if I get any opportunities from that. But that takes time and time is scarce in my life these days. Guess I gotta PRIORITIZE. I'm also playing with the idea of doing a one-year, single-subject teaching credential program so that I can get a job teaching High School until I figure out what I really want to do (which I think lies somewhere in the world of Publishing). That would help me spruce up my resume a bit.

I've always been a planner, so it's scary (albeit, a bit thrilling) to look into a wide-open future full of grayness. Nothing is set in stone, no single path is laid out - everything is up to me. I really hope that I can make the best of it.

P.S., if you know of anyone that's hiring full-time employees, anywhere in the United States, let me know. I'm not in a position to be too picky these days.