My blog used to be funny (or at least, it made ME laugh...but I think I'm hilarious all the time, so I guess I don't really count). I have noticed that for close to six months now (give or take 3 or 4) all I have been posting is either really bad anger poetry that I wrote in two minutes, or quick updates on my life that tell people WAY more than they ever wanted to know. I don't know why this is, but I want to formally apologize. I swear I have opinions on things other than myself... and I swear that I don't just like to write about myself and my feelings(shutter). So, I will do my best to start posting more interesting things for your entertainment. After all, if I want to be a writer when I grow up, I should probably practice being an interesting one now, huh?
Ok... and now a rant about the current weather predicament in Provo. I do not, I repeat, DO NOT understand why people in this ridiculous city get so excited about the snow. Snow is TERRIBLE! Nothing makes me more angry than the first snow that sticks. Why, you ask? I'll tell you why. And I'll do it in a top 5 list (because I secretly LOVE making top five lists... and I secretly make them in my head all the time and NO ONE ever knows...)
Top Five Reasons Why I Hate, no LOATHE, Snow:
1. With snow comes ice. Snow may be fun, but ice is NOT. Ice secretly has it out for me... he hides right outside my front door, just waiting for me to take one measly little step so he can jump out and grab me and take me out! And if that's not enough... he hides around every corner, on every stair, laughing at me in my attempts to walk without looking like a complete idiot. It's like... if you want to even have a smidgeon of a chance, you've got to wear big, hideous shoes with lots of traction and walk like you've got a stick up your butt. No thanks... I'll stick to my vans.
2. Snow is only pretty until it gets walked on or driven through. Then it turns to ugly black mush slash ice. Then ugly black mush crawls up the bottom of your pant legs until about mid-calf and just freezes. So your jeans are wet and when you walk the wetness touches your ankles and that is quite possibly my BIGGEST pet peeve of all time. I hate wet jeans on my ankles! So... if you ever see me outside with my pant legs rolled up looking like a really pissed off idiot... that's why.
3. People in Utah (no matter where they're actually from) cannot drive in the snow. Seriously, I have been driving on the I-15 when it is snowing and people are slamming on breaks and driving 90 miles an hour and sliding all over the freaking place. Either these people all have death wishes because they're all depressed that it's wintertime in Utah, which means that the sun wont show its face again until June, or they are all retarded. I'm from Southern California and even I know that you can't drive fast or slam on your breaks when the roads are icy!
4. When it snows, I can never seem to find a good temperature. It's like, you know it's wet and cold outside, so you put on your boots and your sweater and a nice comfy jacket with a scarf to shield your neck and ears from Jack Frost. Then, you start walking (whether it be to your car, your neighbor's, or campus) and by the time you get to your final destination you're sweating bullets and all you can think about is stripping down (totally inappropriate). So then, thinking you're clever and that you've found a way to beat the system, the next time you go out you ditch the scarf and the boots and wear a lighter shirt instead of a sweater. But NOOO.... you are SO wrong. Because now, your feet are numb, your ears sting so bad that they feel like they just might actually break off (which then causes your eyes to water making you look like you're just walking around sobbing), and you're shivering so violently that your abdominal muscles will be sore for the next three days. With snow, there is no happy medium.
5. The car. Oh the car. When it snows, your car is never clean. It's either covered in salt from the roads, or it's got muddy ice stains on the carpet. Not to mention that when it snows you get to spend five minutes scraping all your windows while your hands turn numb and you get snow ALL OVER you. Then, when you actually get in your car, it takes until right before you arrive at your final destination to finally heat up enough for the heater to work. Then there's that whole defrosting fiasco where you're either dying of heat or your windows are frosted over. Actually, now that I think about it, it's no wonder drivers in Utah all seem to have death wishes. All these frustrations would make me want to ram my car into something too.
It's simple. Snow just sucks. And, it's a proven fact that when the sun doesn't shine for extended periods of time, depression rates go up. This is why Provo comes alive in the spring time. People can actually be warm with out too much effort, drive with out contemplating suicide, and walk with out needing a pair of ice skates!
5 comments:
I hate snow. I literally teared up the first time it snowed and I had to walk to school in it.
Well said! I used to like the snow. But, 2 road trips through blizzards cured me of that. Now, we hates it, we does.
You hit the nail on the head Raechel. Not only did you describe perfectly all the lame aspects of dealing with snow, but I got a few chuckles out of it. So, kudos. I was entertained. :D
6. It covers up any field/park/grassy area. Yes, it does make them look pretty until the inevitable bisecting foot tracks, but it renders them absolutely useless for their original intent of relaxing and recreation. Even sitting on the benchs require two pairs of pants: the ones that get soaked when you thought you had cleaned off the bench and sat down, and the ones you put on after those. Ridiculous. Snow belongs on the mountains. Anywhere with less than a 20 degree pitch should remain free of snow at all times.
I love you dude! I hope you like what I added to our blog! I did it just for you after our convo this afternoon :) haha I'll "jump" right on that... if ya know what I mean ;) gwa ha ha! P.s. I know there's no good places in Provo to go skiing or boarding, but you really should come visit us, Brandon will teach you and your boo for free and I think it will help your feelings towards this weather a bit :)
Funny thing, I've never really talked with you and yet here I am reading you blog.
I must say that your critique of the negative aspects of snow are spot on. There are however, many positives that are usually left on said. Maybe I will write a blog about them.
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