I've Looked at Life From Both Sides Now

So tomorrow (or today I guess..) I have my interview for the London Study Abroad Program this summer. To put it plainly, I'm freaking out. The fact that I even got myself to apply is a miracle in itself, and the thought of "this is the real thing" is just turning me into an emotional basket case. I've been sick-to-my-stomach nervous all day long and it's taken me that long to figure out why I'm so nervous. I realized that this is the first time in all 20 years of my life that I have actually allowed myself to pursue something that I really, really want. I mean, even my senior year of high school I didn't let myself apply to the college I had my heart set on - I didn't even apply anywhere! It's like there's always this little "Voice of Practicality" in my head talking me out of every big thing I've ever had the desire to do. It tells me that it's too expensive - I could use my money for more important, more practical things. It tells me that I'm under qualified or undeserving because of my GPA, my lack of experience, etc. It tells me that I'll probably be rejected, and I've had so much rejection in my life that I think subconsciously I freak out and make myself run away. It's a defense mechanism I guess.
Anyways, I'm glad that I got myself to apply for such an amazing opportunity - the magnitude of which is scary in itself, but so exciting at the same time! Maybe I'll be able to stop talking myself out of so much and start remembering that I've really got nothing to lose.

Anyways, I'm in love with this Joni Mitchell song lately and I've found that I can really relate to it. The words are beautiful so I thought I'd share it with ya:

Rows and floes of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons ev'rywhere
I've looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on ev'ryone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way

I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As ev'ry fairy tale comes real
I've looked at love that way

But now it's just another show
You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away

I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I've changed
Well something's lost, but something's gained
In living ev'ry day

I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all

I've looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all